I’ve just got too much of a gob on me!

It has been made crystal clear to me that I have no future in my full-time employed post.  Sad after nearly 8 years, but I have had enough of fighting and there is no more I can do.

So what’s happened? Weeeeeelllllll… Basically I got it wrong, as ever.  Guess I’m too much on the side of fairness and the little people.  It all blew up yesterday when I sent an ‘All Staff’ email from a Unison contact advising people they did not have to reveal their strike intentions to management.  Simple piece of information I thought, and in the absence of a Unison rep at work, necessary.  Ooooooh no! I got called in to see ‘Head Honcho’ pronto and firmly had my wrist slapped!  “As you are a manager I expected better” was the basic line, whilst I am thinking how interesting, suits them to call me a Manager now but I am not treated as one and DEFINITELY not paid as one!  It was too much after the crappy week I’ve had and I blubbed like a baby, to the point of hyperventilating almost!

I spilled my guts. He now knows my financial woes and that I am retraining, which is something I’ve not even shared with my line manager yet (btw now’t to report there about to go to lesson 3 of my part two driving test training section - doing okay, I think… Test booked for 21st August in Barnsley (!) ).  All he could advise was I talk to my line manager.  Who took 2 years to get me a response to my pay rise requests (for me and my two assistants) and only got on with it when I threatened to take things higher (it was unsuccessful and she hid behind Council software which out me at the scale I’m already on!  Effectively I’ve had a pay cut for 3 years and things are now dire), who has told me I need to start leading lessons in information literacy etc, then I can be ‘considered’ for a rise despite evidence of my attempts to do so for many years!  And evidence of successes.  Who values not at all the myriad extra-curricular opportunities I put on.  Oh the Head even said how much I was valued and that our Primary Headteachers have spoken glowingly about me… whilst saying how he wished he could show emotion so easily and then comparing me to every woman he knows (hmmmm…).  Why do I have to blub to hear that?  And how are platitudes meant to pay bills?

So I give up.  That’s it.  If I see out the next academic year I’ll be amazed, though it would be a nice and proper fitting end to everything and I could do all my clubs, competitions, events, activities and lessons for a final time.  But can’t see it at the moment.  I shall freelance with Debate training I hope, and maybe there would be scope to freelance information literacy in local schools.  Otherwise I hope to be a driving instructor for the majority of my working time and start living life to suit me, my family and my friends.  11 years as a qualified and chartered librarian down the pan. There’s no future in it, Doncaster Council destroying our public library service (if you’re on Facebook find the ‘Save Doncaster Libraries’ group) and the Government not making school libraries statutory have made sure of that.

Feel sad now… not good for an optimist… 

Driving my tutor’s round the bend…

Well, I’ve been and gone and done it! I took my ADI (PDI) part one tests at the Scunthorpe Office on Tuesday (3rd June) and passed!  It was no sure thing, my heart sank as I read some of the questions as I had been revising with the CDs I had bought, no questions had come up on the mechanics of automatics, teaching methods theorem or marking values of driving examiners and they all came up in spades!  Still, I passed.  I got 24 in band 1, 20 in bands 2 and 3 and 23 in band 4 (this will mean something to other trainee ADIs!).  I was required to get a minimum of 20 in each band and an overall of at least 85% (got 87%).  So I didn’t pass with flying colours but nonethless I passed.  The theory was immediately followed by the Hazard Perception test which I had to pass with a minimum of 57 out of 75; I achieved 62, so I am happier with that.

I can’t forget about these and must do more learning in these areas, but for now I am moving on to the driving section of qualifying.  I now have to train and pass the advanced driving test.  As an unpractical, extremely illogical and non-mechanically minded person this is the section of the 3 qualifying areas which I am most worried about.  I am back at College tomorrow afternoon to properly start.  Guess I’d better get on with the homework expected to be completed beforehand!

I also need to register my business name and get my very basic website uploaded!  And I mean basic!  Well, I’m not earning so can’t pay for fancy and my librarian leanings are more towards simplicity of design and understanding rather than fancy-schmancy but confusing!  I shall not dazzle with impressive IT bits that’s for sure!  Hey, I’m 1/3 way through!  YEY!!!!

Driving myself around the bend!

Even though I am doing pretty well in my ongoing revision, using an excellent CD, and getting 47/50 correct at the minimum, I am still really worried! I need to get 20/25 in each of 4 categories (as I’ve said before us PDIs have to do 100 questions, not 50 in theory) with an overall pass mark of 85%.  If only I had done the second mock test, that had to be returned to the College for their records, after more revision rather than after a dry spell.  I got 19/25 in one of the categories although I attained 88% overall.  It would still mean a fail.  And I’ve not looked at the Hazard practice CDs since being advised not after having done exceptionally well in the mock.  They worried I may become over-familiar with the videos and preempt the hazards by clicking too soon.  Nice boost really, but what if they are wrong?

I am so worried that I’ll fail.  Specially now my business cards have arrived!  Good old Vistaprint!  I’m really impressed with them!  So, with the outlay so far I’d better pass!

Volunteers to design my logo and website…

I’ve been tagged!

Who knew this could happen in blogging as well as emails! Apparently I should then tag 6 people through their blogs, but I’m not sure I know 6 people with blogs! ho hum… Well, as a nosey, nosey lass I’ll bite…

The rules, lifted directly from Roterbaron’s blog, are as follows: Each player answers the given questions about themselves. At the end of which, a further 5-6 people are tagged and informed accordingly on their own blogs. The unfortunate ‘beneficiary’ is requested to let the person who tagged them know when they’ve posted their answer so they can be subjected to pointing and ridicule.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago? 1998. I was living in Bradford doing my first professional Librarianship post for Dixons City Academy and planning my wedding for the following year. I do believe we got our 2nd dog Sonnii that year, so we had two dogs and a cat. That about it!

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order): As I am typing this in the evening I shall list 5 things I actually have done/still to do today!

i) Get my elder lass to practise her disco solo having taken younger lass to Nursery.

ii) Make our new coffee table, that I bought on impulse at Netto!

iii) Try to ensure elder lass behaves whilst I ‘bounce’ on the door at the dance comps run by her dancing school (top talent there!)

iv) Do some driving instructor test 1 revision

v) Sleep

3) Snacks I enjoy: Cake. Puddings with custard/cream. Pringles. Doritos. Popcorn (toffee or VERY sweetened). Cake. Cake and more Cake.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire: Make sure my family and closest friends were set up. Leave work, plan my time how I wanted. Extend my house or maybe move. Visit exotic locations and extremely commercial ones. Set up charities. Adopt loads of children - or more likely foster.

5) Places you have lived: Basingstoke. Greenwich. Brockley. New Cross. Deptford. Bradford. Doncaster.

6) Victims: Hmmm. Have to find some!

Song Of The Day ~ Little Yellow Fish. See aim # 1 for the day!!!

Such a nervous bunny

I know, far too long since my last post, AGAIN!  Not my fault, I had the wedding of the century to attend and fab it was too.  I can recommend handfasting to anyone as the ceremony was the most personal, genuine and inclusive I have ever been to.  Beautiful, just like the bride.

So now it’s back to real life and no excuses.  I’ve been procrastinating which is my main talent.  I last attended college over 3 weeks ago, for my Mock Hazard Perception tests.  Turns out I am a genuis, I passed with very comfortable margins and got the best scores of that day.  And was advised not to practise as I would learn too many of the video clips and may anticipate, therefore click on the identified and then emerging hazards too soon, and fail.  All I have to do now is book, pay for and pass my part one tests.

So why haven’t I?  And why have I not even LOOKED at any work since then?  Initially I was too busy (see first paragraph), but now…  I think I’ve scared myself with placing too much pressure on myself.  It’s cost me so much money that if I fail, at any stage, I cannot afford retakes.  So if I just keep putting it off and wasting time ordering free business cards and such-like, I can’t fail can I?

But that’s a failure too.  Sooooo…. I’m gonna have to bite the bullet and go for it.  I get paid on Thursday (probably not as much as I should due to HR not amending my contract, one month’s raise due already!  Will be two months if they don’t get it right this week :-S) and have received my registered trainee driving instructor details.  I’ll book it on Thursday, get around to contacting my class buddy Joanne, and get on with revision and my new career.

Please…  lots of nagging and motivation needed!  Gotta be driving my own student’s round the bend by Autumn !

Driving nobody round the bend

… at least, not for a while.

3rd class has been attended.  Only 3 of us there!  All women.  Luckily the teacher was not the ignorantly sexist one of the previous session as he wouldn’t have lasted two seconds!  We three had a discussion and turns out he had offended them too, but I’m gobby enough to say something!  It was nice, just being the 3 of us.  We went through the Mock Theory test.  We all passed, but I did not pass one of the set of 25 with as comfortable a margin as I would hope.  The other two flew through so I guess that makes me the remedial section!  I just need to find time to keep up with my homework and use my CD/DVDs.  There are no more full classes now, not until part 3 of the course.  I shall miss Claire and Joanne, we’d been in all the same classes before.  I think I shall leave my contact details next time I go in, as we are all going in for Mock Hazard Perception tests on the 21st, but these are solo sessions and I am first.  We could form a girls elite!  Maybe we could be the glam school of motoring together?   ;-)  When shall we three meet again…?

Children aren’t the only victims

It took arguments coming to a head and truths being told.  It took harsh words given out of necessity but finally I think I understand my friend who has remained with her partner despite what they have been charged with pertaining to her children.  I have had my eyes opened as to how a Mother is a victim too.  She geuninely cannot see that what happened was wrong and that after a certain amount of similar actions they can no longer be deemed accidents.  She has been groomed.  Their whole lives became sexualised and now she cannot see where the boundaries should have stayed.

Okay, the charges are not as serious as they could be, they are at the lighter end of the sexual touch scale, but they are wrong nonetheless.  I cannot see how an adult cannot realise that what happened was wrong.  Okay everyone accidentally touches someone in the wrong place on occasion.  It’s easy to do, normally you would just blush and apologise whilst wishing the ground would swallow you up.  But the same type of ‘accident’ happening at least 10 times (the number of times this person has been charged with the same offence) which does not include at least one other of which I am aware that was witnessed.  That’s not an accident.  That’s intentional.  That’s criminal.

I hope to be capable of supporting the children and the Mother, for they are all going to have a nasty fall once the case is over.  Whatever the verdict, their lives have irrevocably altered for the worse.

Students driving me round the bend - into week 4

Back from another class.  Still happy with my choice.  Not so happy with other students, or the teacher particularly.

There was one, who was also at my previous and first class who seems to know so much (being a large plant driver) that he tries to assist or teach on behalf of the instructor.  Nothing winds me up more!  I remember a student in one of my night-classes, where I was the teacher, many years ago doing the same thing.  It’s disruptive, unhelpful, takes up time and more often than not the information they are so desperate to impart is wrong!  They should just shut up!!!!

The other student who annoyed me had a problem with the wording of all the questions we had had for homework, some were ambiguous admittedly so he had a bit of a point but there does come a time to give it a rest!  He didn’t, so more time wasted.

Then the first annoying student, and the teacher, decided to tell mildly sexist and inappropriate anecdotes.   Yes, I did react, but very restrainedly to suggest that the bloke in one anecdote (who had stood laughing at his wife for 1.5 hours as she put the oil in the dipstick tester part not the proper opening)  needed to get a life and would have been on the couch for a month if he was mine!  Luckily the majority seemed to support my take on it, but how pathetic!  I pity any future students of that classmate!

But otherwise… LOADS more homework and my next session is on a Monday afternoon in about 2 weeks, luckily over Easter on the one day I am not at work (other than my elder baby’s birthday).   I am still waiting for my CRB certificate so I can get my reference number to put on my register of trainer ADIs application form so that once I am registered I can apply for my theory and hazard tests (once I am ready).  Nowhere near that stage, the course is pretty well planned to take all this time lag into account.  Think I shall buy a practise CD first…

Bride and Groom and no-one else

I am just about sick to my back teeth of people upsetting my gorgeous sister because they seem to think her and her fiance’s most important day should be hijacked for the grandstanding of their own petty little squabbles and fights.

Okay, the situation of some of these guests who are now letting them down at the last minute, is not petty.  Indeed it is highly serious.  But my sister’s wedding is her and her fiance’s long awaited, incredibly important  and extremely well planned day and is about them sharing it with those most dear and celebrating their committment to each other in the way they choose.  It is up to us, as honoured and privileged guests to accept with grace and enthusiasm and only not attend if it really is impossible.  Making pathetic excuses or threatening not to attend, and therefore not allowing others who are incredibly important to the betrothed pair attend, because a partner cannot attend (for the safety of the partner and regard to all other guests) or some other weak and frankly unbelievable excuse, is cruel, vindictive and unforgiveable.

At least now they can ask people they want to be there rather than people they had to ask.  But, be very sure about this those of you doing the letting down, it is wholly your loss and not theirs.  And if there are children not attending because of this, shame on you.

I am at a loss for words…

So quite how I am going to let my feelings out about this I don’t know.  My non-biological babies are still with their other biological parent, because the person let in to their lives by their original primary carer biological parent has now been charged.  The charges relate to all females under 16 in the family and are sexual in nature, though concern touching not the worst it could be.  I cannot understand the primary biological parent is still standing by the accused, is still convinced it is all a mistake, and is still expecting long-term friends to actively support them and the accused.  Apparently this is now all the fault of the Police, I expect the CPS will be accused next, oh, and don’t forget the beleagured social workers who never get things right…

T’aint gonna happen.  My support always has been and always will be for the innocents who made the accusations.  Surely if there is enough for the 10 charges (dating back 2 years) to be made then the head-in-sand attitude can no longer be justified?  The charges are being brought in the Crown Court, not the Magistrates, so Magistrates have decided the charges are too serious for them to deal with, and believe me they could have been.  How the hell will theoriginal primary parent ever repair their parent/child bond?  How are those kids ever going to believe in the unconditional love and support of that parent ever again?  And how dare that parent accuse anyone not actively supporting the accused of betraying them?

Thank heavens I am not in their situation but I am more positive than I should be that I would not be acting in the same way.  Should I try to contact the kids now?  I have not been, but maybe now is the time to voice my support rather than pass it on through their current guardians?  There’s no textbook for this…