Complete and utter drivel…
Posted by lynnelibglamtwin on March 8, 2009
I’m probably gonna seriously regret writing this, it may worry unintentionally the 2.5 people who ever bother to read it, but if a blog is to be honest then I should really stop editing what I write by waiting until I am on aneven keel and have thought it through.
Serious wibbliness this evening. Am on second glass of wine and may drink the bottle as I’m not sleeping and am bloody tired. I’ve filled the weekend with socialness and ended up with tired kids who’ve been so appalling they’ve gone to bed with no videos in their room for a week and having lost a good behaviour star. Which I now feel is all my fault as they’re just tired. What if something happens and they went to sleeping knowing Mummy was disappointed with them?
And I am trying to forget the fact that no matter what I try I cannot win. The mortgage is probably gonna bounce again and I have no idea what the hell I can do to get enough practise to pass the part 3 on Friday. I thought I had two practise session lined up but no, only 1 with no possibility of others, no way I’m gonna pass and without the second job Mr repossession is coming ever closer. Yet I don’t feel we deserve sympathy or help as it’s our own bloody fault we’ve got in this hole. Maybe we deserve to be repossessed and have to live in a shitty council house with a crack den next door. It’ll break my heart to leave here but if that’s what it takes to stop worrying all the bloody time.
I thought I had friends who would help me, but it seems they have no time either and I cannot keep asking. People say they’ll be there, but it’s only when it suits them. And I’m far to whiny and needy at the moment to bother. I’m just not a good friend so don’t deserve good friends back. Christ I don’t like me at the moment so why the hell should anyone else, Fucking crybaby whinger, I need a good slap, look how lucky I am? Great house, good husband, fabulous kids. I should be counting my blessings not whining. Work don’t want me but so what? They don’t deserve me. Shit I am on a downer! Better go drink more wine and cry it out. I’m really going to regret this post in the morning, I shall publish before I think it through too much, though may delete it before anyone reads it. I hate to be a needy, ungrateful whiner and that’s what this is turning out / has turned out to be.
Sorry, bye.
spicycauldron said
You’re certainly not alone in feeling the way you do. Sadly, that’s guaranteed. And at risk of sounding trite, so long as we have life we can pick ourselves up from anything and move forward. Just one foot after the other, and repeat. No thinking. Just doing. And, eventually, new light will come. x
Tina said
Too late, I read it. Don’t ever feel bad about disciplining the girls. They do need to be told off too you know! Kids need boundaries, a clear way of behaving and to know there are consequences for actions. I know them, I know you must have been pushed hard to get to the removing a star stage! They won’t remember that. They will remember the cuddles. Certainly sounds like you need a good cry-out too. You do tend to keep the optimistic mask on long after the face has slipped behind it.
So the worst is that the house is repossessed and you end up in a council house. You will still have a roof, your family, your friends (those who are worth it anyway!), your job (both of them, eventually). You will survive and cope. Although that is a shitty thought when you have put so much love and care into the home.
You are not a needy, ungrateful whiner. You are someone pushed to beyond their limit, and you need to let it out! X
Marc said
Hi Lynne,
Don’t ever feel that you can’t let your emotions out, if you bottle it in a) people will never know what’s going on and b) you will never feel better for it.
Just remember a line that Dougie MacLean:
”
Well I’ve been moved, and I’ve kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends I needed losing
Found others on the way
”
Sums it up entirely for me, some times you need to shed certain people and aspects in life, like peeling away layers of onion skin.
I’ve found my blog is mainly somewhere to let off steam, drown my sorrows and occasionally talk complete b***s when I need, I think they are a worthy outlet for anything you want to say, good or bad.Christ I wouldn’t have gotten through the last couple of years without mine.
Chin up and fingers crossed for you
Marc